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hey Nashville! We're at the Listening Room in Nashville all week! And boy is it fantastic to peer you.

And after spending years in big apple city, coming here is like taking a heat sudsy bath after living in pleasure Behar's armpit. agree with me – if I may movement here, I'd already be right here.

Which skill or not it's time for: Gutfeld items why big apple is horrible and dull and we deserve to get the hell out of right here as soon as feasible, please assist! severely please help us.

curiously, no depend what befalls the new york, NYC continues to be the media capital of the area. or not it's weird – it be like declaring Afghanistan the most effective location to open a homosexual-pleasant bed and breakfast.

certain, in new york city, you will also be pushed in front of a subway educate via a guy donning nothing but a smile and a health center bracelet. but truly, the Broadway shows are to die for! Nothing makes you forget about your grandma getting mugged for her false enamel, than a matinee showing of "howdy Dolly"

And have you tried our long island famous bagels? try a native deli: just comply with the police chalk outlines on the sidewalk and be certain to step over the bodies to get to it. The respectable news is: each murder comes with a free pickle and a body bag of chips.

So I wanna get out of ny however I ought to persuade more than my wife. there is my mistress and her kids. but also, I need to convince Fox.   

How do I try this devoid of threatening to go public with those photographs of Steve Doocy like you've certainly not viewed him before?

well, we recognize the bosses are staring at this reveal right now. people haven't considered a hit this massive seeing that the remaining video of Hunter Biden puffing on his crack pipe. So possibly I may still examine and contrast each cities.

these days we went all over the place Nashville and looked at what makes a superb city – true estate, civility, cleanliness of the massage parlors. That last one became for Kilmeade. I child – he thinks a "satisfied ending" is when a person makes it to the end of 1 of his books. 

So here goes.

take a look at Nashville's food. How notable is that? Love that barbecue. It's so first rate it has PETA asking for seconds. 

Now, let's have a look at NYC. it is a rat having fun with a slice! Yeah – after we get a pizza with "everything on it," we imply it. 

How about trend? here's Nashville – hats, boots. it will possibly not be your cup of tea, however who does not wish to see Tyrus in chaps and a bolo tie? We do love our cowboys, apart from Kat. She thinks "high midday" ability her lunchtime bong hits. 

Now right here's NYC vogue... *video of the bare Cowboy* Kat – one of your ancient boyfriends?

What about precise property? here's a standard house in Nashville. gorgeous! So much area for all of your stuff.

here's one in manhattan... *Skit of Kat displaying a closet as an condo listed for over $1 million*

Now, you always hear about southern hospitality. here's Nashville. *video of Gutfeld's crowd cheering loudly*

here's NYC. *Video of a combat at a pizza parlor* Can't blame them for being mad. They thought they'd tickets to look a comedy display – seems they have been for Jimmy Kimmel. 

What about leisure? right here's Nashville. walk into any bar and also you've obtained incredibly talented local bands, kicking some predominant ass.

right here's NYC. *Video of man in heels pole dancing on the subway* Wow, first rate to see Chris Cuomo moonlighting. 

Yeah, I believe we understand who gained this contest. however the other problem with ny city – or not it's crammed with people who certainly not depart big apple metropolis. And in the event that they do depart, and there aren't two shrinks per block, they come aside faster than Biden's teeth on a cob of corn. They might also know every little thing about vegan sushi, but nothing concerning the world. 

as an example, did you trust that photo of Border Patrol agents going around on horses with driving vegetation, whipping individuals? No, you didn't, since you're general. you're not pleasure Reid. 

but in big apple, the place every adult is both homeless or once burdened by using a Cuomo (or every so often both), these individuals are as gullible and stupid because the studio audience for "The View."

So curiously the media thought these were whips. I remember. The best time New Yorkers see precise whips are at their S&M classes with their dominatrix. That's the place I met John wealthy – he nonetheless owes me $40.

but it surely's all the time like libs to peer issues that aren't there.  i ponder what else they suppose are whips. 

*Video of objects similar to vegetation, Chuck Woolery, Godzilla, frogs being identified as "whips." When a whip eventually looks it is labeled as "oranges.

we now have a hellish difficulty on the border and the dope from Delaware had only 1 answer: let's ban horses. Which raises a question: has this man created even one job? he is even spiked unemployment among horses.

people want to joke about how stupid each person else is down south. Up north. Flyover country. but the moment they step outside their liberal bubble, it's like watching Tyrus wear khakis.

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in the meantime, the leisure of america brims with usual experience – the variety that tells you, no they're no longer whipping them, they're making an attempt to handle the horse on unstable terrain. You do not have to be the Lone Ranger to figure that out.

So it truly is why we are looking to depart. we would be chuffed here. however don't get a swelled head. We have already got a type of. We call him Jesse. 

this text is tailored from Greg Gutfeld's opening monologue on the September 27, 2021 version of "Gutfeld!"

Greg Gutfeld at present serves as host of FOX information Channel's (FNC) Gutfeld! (weekdays 11PM/ET) and co-host of The 5 (weekdays 5PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. he's author of the new e-book, "The Plus: Self-help for individuals Who Hate Self-assist."  click here for greater suggestions on Greg Gutfeld.